The Loudest War
by Xulp
Summary: Luan unintentionally starts a prank war, dividing the siblings in two and sparking an all out battle. In the process, this causes Lincoln to question his role among the family, pondering his own worth. Meanwhile, Lynn struggles to improve her strength and is willing to sacrifice almost anything to do so.
1. A Spark

**The Loudest War**

Written by Xulp

* * *

Chapter 1: A Spark

"Luan, _really?!_ "

The comedian only responded with laughter. How could she not? In front of her, Lori stood covered head to toe in slime— yellow, sticky, gooey slime. It was certainly a sight to behold.

Luan had spent an entire _week_ preparing for this prank. Creating a couple of metric pounds of slime, and without anyone in the family of thirteen noticing, was certainly no simple task. It took extensive planning, hard work, and dedication to accomplish such a feat.

Still, it was worth it. Luan knew this for certain as she bent over laughing, unable to speak. Lori was soaking wet in the comedian's favorite color, and it was _hilarious._

"I have a date with Bobby in _ten_ minutes! My day is _literally_ ruined!"

Much to Lori's charging, Luan offered no reprise. The 14-year-old only continued to laugh. The situation was too funny to do anything else.

The eldest Loud sibling stomped her foot in anger before power walking to the base of the staircase. Before beginning to go upstairs, however, she slowly turned around.

"Luan, I'll get you back for this."

Luan's laughter did not cease, but it certainly did slow down and grow quietly. Lori looked pretty mad.

 _Did I go to far this time?_ , pondered the comedian.

Lori started to make her way up the stairs, no doubt heading to the bathroom to do her best to clean up before Bobby arrived. Three times, she almost slipped due to the slime that drenched her.

This inspired an all new wave of laughter from Luan. Even if she _did_ go too far, it was totally worth it.

How could it not be?

Somehow, Lori had managed to clean up just in the nick of time. Fifteen minutes after the teen had run upstairs, Bobby rang the doorbell. Lori quickly scurried to the door before walking off into the night with him.

 _Gee,_ thought Luan. _If you can clean up that quickly, why do you take half an hour every morning in the bathroom?_

The comedian was watching a comedy special on the television, smiling the entire time, still thinking about how she had managed to get Lori to dump an entire tub of slime on herself, when Leni plopped herself down on the couch next to her.

"What's up?" asked Luan, not looking away from the TV.

There was a moment of silence. "Why did you make all that slime?"

"To dump on Lori."

Leni sighed. "I know that. But, _why?_ "

"It was funny. Why not?"

"Maybe you should stop."

Luan grabbed the remote and turned off the television before turning her head to Leni.

"And why would I do that?"

"It was mean! You made her mad."

There was another pause, longer than the last.

Luan stood up and ran her hands down her skirt, smoothing it. "Lori's made _me_ mad plenty of times. If she gets all angry over a harmless prank, I think that's her own fault."

Leni sighed as she watched Luan leave the room.

* * *

 _Hopeless,_ Lynn thought to herself. _You're hopeless._

Nearly five minutes ago, football practice had ended. Nearly ten minutes ago, Lynn had been completely trampled by a teammate.

She had been running down the field, almost about to make her first touchdown of the night, when out of nowhere, Paige Bryce came from her left and tackled Lynn right to the ground.

It had hurt, sure, but Lynn was more saddened by the fact that she had been denied the opportunity to make her touchdown. If she was just a _little_ bit stronger, than the athlete just _knew_ that she'd have been able to stand her ground and continue her charge down the field.

 _If only,_ she thought. _If only._

In the locker room, after changing, Lynn felt a hand slap down on her shoulder. Turning around on the bench, she saw none other than Paige herself.

"Good hustle out there, Loud." She laughed. "Still, I was able to catch up to you. Not good enough, I guess."

Lynn gritted her teeth. Paige was a friend of hers, sure, but _nobody_ got the better of her.

"Yeah, give me a couple of weeks of conditioning, and your _roadkill,_ " Lynn said.

" _Riiiight._ Hey, Loud, when you think you can take me, let me know. We'll meet after school or something."

With another playful slap on the shoulder, Paige Bryce was gone.

Lynn _hated_ defeat. She was the strongest of her family, sure, but that didn't mean much. Her 'brother' read comics and played video games all day and probably wasn't able to lift up a carton of milk. The rest of her siblings spent most of their time indoors. The only exception was Lana, but she was six.

Lynn had a new challenge laid out in front of her, and she _loved_ challenges. Only when she was able to beat them, though.

 _Your roadkill, Bryce,_ thought Lynn. _Roadkill!_

* * *

 _Bang!_

Lori's shoe banged down on her desk, signifying the beginning of yet another siblings meeting. Every Loud sister and Lincoln was present, with, of course, the expectation of Luan. She was taking Charles on a walk. Usually, this was Lincoln's job, but he had agreed to do the dishes alone for a week so long as Luan carried out his task for this one night.

"If you don't know why we're all here," began Lori, "Let me be the first to tell you. Right before my date with Bobby, Luan managed to have an entire tub of slime dumped on me."

Lincoln, learning about this for the first time, began to chuckle before quickly covering his mouth.

"Is there something _funny_ , Lincoln?"

The white-haired boy quickly covered his mouth with his hands, shaking his head back and forth.

"Good. As I was saying, Luan has gone _way_ too far this time!"

"Your point?" asked Lisa.

"I propose that we get _back_ at her."

Lynn shook her head. "Why would we do that?"

"Well, if we don't teach her a lesson, this will just keep happening again and again. Next time, it could be one of _you_ guys."

Lori had a point. The room fell silent.

After a while, Lana spoke up. "I'm in."

"Me too!", said Lola.

"Sounds fun." Luna smiled.

"Great!" Lori clapped. "That's three out of eight. What about the rest of you?"

"I'm trying to cure the flu, and you're asking me to assist in your inane game?" Lisa shook her head. "No thank you."

"Ouch. Lucy?"

"I'm going to be a bit busy with the school poetry contest. I'd love to be able to scare Luan, but I need to focus the next few days. Sorry, Lori."

"Leni?"

"What Luan did was pretty mean…" The blonde put a thoughtful finger to her chin. "But I don't think getting back at her will fix anything. Sorry, Lori. I can't help you with this."

"Fair enough. That leaves…" Lori looked around the room. "Oh, right. Lincoln. Are you on board?"

So far, three sisters had signed up to help Lori, and three had declined the offer. Lincoln originally had planned to go with the majority; after all, it would anger the least amount of siblings. Now that there was a tie, though, the white-haired boy wasn't sure what to do.

"I… I think I'm going to need a little more time to think about this."

"Okay," said Lori, sighing. "But you have a day. I don't want a repeat of the time you were deciding where we would go on vacation."

Lincoln chuckled at the memory of him milking the fact that his sisters had pampered him nearly all day the time he was the tie-breaker for where the Louds would take their family vacation.

"I think I learned my lesson from that. I'll tell you before bed."

"Good." Lori slammed her shoe on the desk. "This sibling meeting has been concluded."

* * *

Author's Note

I've been reading a lot of Loud House fics, but I've never decided to write one until now. I only started this now because I have a good idea. If I can entertain even just one person by writing this, I'll be happy. All feedback, especially negative, is welcome! I want to improve as much as possible.


	2. Unintended Consequences

Chapter 2: Unintended Consequences

Luan awoke that day to a bright sun, a cold room, and a snoring Luna.

Everything was completely normal. The sun always shined bright through the comedian's window. Morning time in the Loud house was always chilly in the early weeks of the new year. Luna, though she did not admit it, _always_ snored like a pig in her slumber.

At least, things _appeared_ to be normal. As Luan swung her feet over her bed and groggily made her way over to her door, however, she couldn't help but to feel that something was… off. The 14-year-old was unable to pinpoint exactly what was bugging her, but something certainly was different.

She took her shower, ate breakfast, and got dressed all without incident. Now positive that she was being paranoid, Luan shrugged and grabbed her backpack, completely forgetting about whatever weird vibes she was getting that morning.

Later in school that day, in her first class of the day, Luan reached into her backpack to grab her notebook, when all of the sudden—

 _RING! RING! RING-RING-RING!_

The entire class turned to face the comedian. As soon as she had reached down in her backpack, she had turned on at least half a dozen old-fashioned bell alarms! Luan's face turned crimson with embarrassment as she desperately tried to turn them off. Of course, this proved to be more difficult than it should have been— somebody had taken the liberty of removing the button that was supposed to be on the top center of the clock. Without that button in place, Luan could do nothing but only watch in horror as they continued to ring. Was it just her, or were they getting louder?

"Miss Loud," snapped Mrs. Rogers, speaking loudly just to be heard over the alarms. "Are you _trying_ to get sent down to the office? I understand that you like to indulge in pranks, but interrupting a lesson is an entire other matter!"

By now Luan was desperately shaking her bag, trying to get the ringing to stop. She could just _feel_ dozens of pairs of eyes glued to her. Some people snickered, others muttered. Luan was positive that her face was beet-red by this point.

"This isn't a prank! I—"

"I won't hear it!" Mrs. Rogers pointed to the door. "Get _out_ of your classroom! And bring your damn bells with you!"

There was no point in arguing. Luan was framed!

She grabbed her bag before shamefully beginning her trek out of the classroom door. As she walked down the hallway, Luan opened her locker and shoved her bag in it. After slamming it shut, the ringing was finally muffled.

 _Lori._

Luan gritted her teeth. It was her oldest sister. It had to be. Who else would do this? Nobody but her!

She must have snuck into Luan's room late at night, and swapped out all of her books and notebooks with alarms, triggered to all go off at a single touch. _That's_ why something felt off that morning.

Luan would not let this slide.

* * *

Three times a year, every student at Royal Woods Middle School was required to take the pushup test. While most children despised these days, seeing them nothing more than a waste of a gym class that could have been spent playing a fun sport, Lynn actually didn't mind. Hell, sometimes she even looked forward to them. They were a chance for her to show off her strength to her peers, a chance she did not get often.

She made an effort to do at least three times more pushups than the kid who got the second best score. Every time so far, she had been successful in this goal. Today, she thought, would be no exception.

This time around, there was something a bit different. Paige Bryce, a student who had moved to Royal Woods a couple of months back, was now in her gym class. Bryce, while friends with Lynn, was the athlete's main rival. She was somehow good enough to get on the football team even though she wasn't in town during tryouts— she was that good.

Ever since that day, Lynn had made an effort to outperform Paige, but her efforts more often than not turned up fruitless. Just last night at practice, Lynn had seen stars and lost a perfect touchdown opportunity when she had been tackled by Paige. This was nothing new, but that moment was the straw the broke the camel's back; Lynn vowed that she'd show the new girl who was boss.

It started here. Lynn needed to get at _least_ twice as many pushups than Paige. If not, she'd do three times as more, the same amount she did for other kids. Defeat was not an option. She was _Lynn Loud,_ dammit!

 _Focus Lynn,_ she thought. _Focus._

Pushups were half simple strength, sure, but they were also half a game of the mind. Most people threw in the towel far before they actually needed to. They psyche themselves out, thinking that they were less capable than they actually were.

Lynn, along with the rest of her class, got into position.

 _I got this, piece of cake, easy-peasy._

"Up!" said coach Brown. "Down!"

Twenty pushups into the test, and Lynn was feeling good. Most of the class was already done, and she hadn't yet broke a single sweat. Curious, she looked to her right. Paige, too, showed no signs of wither.

"Up! Down! Up! Down!"

Lynn began to break down around forty. Her arms began to tremble each time she lifted up her body. Still, she soldiered on. Lynn stole a glance to her right. The only two people that remained was her… and Paige. Unlike Lynn, however, Paige didn't seem to be having any issues yet.

 _Dammit, Lynn,_ thought the athlete, _you can_ not _lose!_

She couldn't give in. Now before Paige.

Five more pushups later, though, and Lynn was done. It was out of her control. The athlete's arms just gave out underneath her.

Forty-five pushups. She usually did more! Was she getting weaker?

Lynn watched as Paige went on to shatter the school record with one hundred and seventy-five pushups, gritting her teeth the entire time.

* * *

" _This is war, dammit!_ " yelled Luan as she flung open the front door. She was going to give Lori a piece of her mind.

"Luan!" cried her mother, who sat on the living room couch. "Watch your mouth!"

The comedian blushed. Sometimes she forgot that her mother had started taking Fridays off to work on her novel.

Luan found Lori on her bed, unsurprisingly, texting.

"Admit it!", she cried, pointing her finger at her older sister. "You filled up my backpack with alarm clocks!"

"Oh?" Lori replied, sarcasm evident in her tone. "Did I, now?"

"Stop playing dumb! You got me in trouble!"

"Well, you got slime all over me last night. Not to mention, you've been 'pranking' me your entire life, so it's about time I fought back!"

Luan gritted her teeth and approached Lori. "My prank was harmless! You didn't even prank me, you _sabotaged_ me!"

There was a pause.

"This is far from over," Lori said quietly. "I'm not alone, you know. You're in a four versus one battle. You can't win, Luan."

Luan was confused. Battle? What did Lori mean?

"Are you saying you want to start a prank war?"

"No," said Lori, "I want to start a _war._ Actually, I take that back. It already started the moment you made me jump slime on myself. You have a lesson to learn."

Luan smiled. "Oh, we'll see about that."

"Yes, we will."

With that, the comedian left the room, closing Lori's door behind unceremoniously her. Lori wasn't alone? Fine. Luan would gather an army of siblings, too. When the ash all settled, Lori would be sorry for not being able to take a simple joke.

* * *

Author's Note

Well, I guess some people out there actually _do_ enjoy my writing! I promise to make this story as entertaining as possible. It won't be all fun and games, though; there's going to be some serious stuff in some of the chapters. All of it will balance out to make a great fanfiction, though, so get ready to enjoy!


	3. Desperate Times

Chapter 3: Desperate Times

Luan, Leni, Lucy, and Lisa were all huddled together, packed tightly inside of Lisa's bunker. Above them, Lori, Luna, Lana, and Lola banged away at the bunker, trying to get in.

"You better open up literally right now!", screamed Lori.

Lisa, although only four years old, was very skilled and precise in her work. The little scientist's bunker was not threatened by a nuclear apocalypse, let alone four angry siblings. Still, that fact alone made it no less scary for the siblings trapped inside of the bunker. Especially after what they had done to Lori and her company.

"I said _open!_ "

"Sorry!", yelled Lisa. "But I prefer my body in one piece!"

" _Ohhh,_ we messed up," Leni moaned softly. "I think we went too far on this one."

 _Maybe we did,_ thought Luan. Still, her first counter-attack on Lori and her team was both a good move strategically, and a good way to get under her skin as well. The comedian had replaced the Loud residence shampoo container's contents with white hair dye. It was only temporary, and would wear off in only three days, but it still had really made Lori and her team mad. This was evidenced by the increasingly Loud banging on the top of the bunker.

The shampoo incident served a second purpose as well; Luan was now sure who was working for Lori. Anyone with white hair at the moment, except for Lincoln, was on team Lori.

Luan had recruited Leni, Lucy, and Lisa to her team. Lisa had to be bribed; Luan would be spending a good chunk of her birthday party profit savings on a new set of beakers that Lisa had been pining for but was unable to purchase. Lucy was a bit easier. The only reason she didn't join Lori's team was because the little goth girl was busy writing up a poem for a school contest. Luan had helped her out, and after a few hours of writing, Lucy was finally complete. Thankful, she gladly joined Luan's little army as an act of appreciation. Leni, bless her soul, just needed to be sweet-talked into joining.

Luan's new teammates had all attended the meeting that Lori held, and knew who was on the eldest sister's side in the new Loud family war. Still, Luan wanted to be positive who her enemies were, and the shampoo attack not only accomplished this but also doubled as an effective attack.

Effective, yes, but also very anger-inducing. Lori, Luna, Lana, and Lola continued to pound away at the bunker. If Luan exited now, she would likely be turned into a human pretzel. She and her teammates would simply have to wait it out.

"Open up, Luan! I'm literally going to go to school looking like _Pop-Pop_ because of you!"

"How am I supposed to win any pageants looking like an _old geezer?_ "

"Not cool, dude! Maybe it looks okay on Lincoln, but white is _not_ my color!"

The only one who didn't seem to mind all that much was Lana, thought Luan. She was the only one not yelling at her at the moment. Still, after listening closely, Luan heard four pairs of hands hitting the bunker.

Leni hugged her legs and continued to mumble. "Oh, we're in trouble…"

"Calm down, guys," reassured Luan. "We can just wait this out."

* * *

 _Forty… four…_

Lynn's arms felt like jelly. Still, she soldiered on.

 _Forty… five…_

She heard some of her siblings yelling outside. Whatever they were doing, Lynn couldn't care less at the moment. She had promised herself that she'd devote the next two hours to strength training.

 _Forty… six…_

Forty-six! Lynn had just beaten the score that she had got in gym class that day. Still, she was far from her goal of sixty-five. From there, she'd continue to add five extra pushups every day.

 _Forty… seven…_

Of course, this was easier said than done. Lynn's arms trembled under her own weight. This was a lot harder than she thought it would be

 _Forty… ei—_

With a loud thump, Lynn collapsed to the floor.

 _Dammit!_

Frustrated, the athlete stood up in kicked a nearby soccer ball. _Why am I so weak?_

Thirsty, and figuring that a glass of water… or two… or three (Lynn was very active, and was used to drinking a lot of water) would help, she made her way downstairs. Oddly enough, the house was completely empty. Lynn knew that Lincoln was at Clyde's, and her parents were working late today, but, still, thirteen people lived here. The athlete heard more yells from outside. Her sisters must be doing something in the front yard.

After pouring a big glass of water, Lynn walked into the living room and stood in front of the TV while she began gulping down her liquid refreshment. Grabbing the remote, she began to flip through the channels.

— _after the milk is mixed in, we add the peppers—_

— _twelve dead in the crash—_

— _American Psycho 3 is_ _scheduled_ _to be in theaters beginning on—_

Lynn stumbled across nothing but commercials or news. God, when did television get so boring? She was nearing the end of her glass of water, and about to leave to get a refill.

— _weak, weak, weak! Well, I say no more! Buy—_

— _purchase one 'we suck' vacuum, get two free—_

Wait a minute. What was that last commercial talking about? Lynn turned back the channel.

— _They work wonders, let me tell you! The 'Red Pill' dietary supplement had been voted the best capsule of the year_ three _times in a row! Just take one a day, and combined with some exercise, you'll notice an_ instant _improvement in your overall strength, endurance, and power!_

Whoa. That's just what Lynn needed! She leaned closer to the television, her interest piqued.

 _Call now, or order online! Your first bottle is only $59.99!_

Christ. Sixty dollars. Lynn shook her head. She knew it was too good to be true.

Unless…

* * *

Lincoln, after a brief walk in the cold, had arrived home from Clyde's. It was about 4:30, and when he closed the front door behind him and walked into the living room, he was greeted with the sight of Leni, Luan, Lucy, and Lisa sitting on the couch. Looking to the kitchen, he saw Lori, Luna, Lana, and Lola.

He had to blink twice to make sure he wasn't imagining things, but he saw that the previously mentioned four sisters… had… white hair?

Lincoln slowly walked into the kitchen. "Uh, is there a reason you guys are copying me?"

Lori gritted her teeth. " _Luan_ thought it would be a good idea to tamper with the shampoo."

The resident comedian was always pulling pranks and practical jokes, but it stuck Lincoln as odd that only four sisters were affected.

"Did only four of you take a shower this morning?"

Luna shook her head. "No, Luan let her little friends know that she was pulling this. Lincoln, I don't know what you've been doing for the past day, but there's been a _war_ going on in this family."

Oh. Right. Lincoln had attended Lori's meeting the previous night when she had made plans to get back at Luan for the slime incident. The white-haired boy, seeing the family divided into two groups of four, could only deduct that Luan had raised an army, too. A war in the family? Great.

"Don't Listen to them, Lincoln," yelled Luan from the living room couch. "Lori started this by going too far! She stuffed my backpack with alarm clock and got me in trouble at school."

Lori shook her head and crossed her arms. " _She_ started this with the slime! Lincoln, do yourself a favor. Join me, and we'll get back at Luan so good that she'll agree to stop pranking for at least a few _months!_ "

"Nuh-uh! Join _us,_ Lincoln! Lori's a tyrant!"

Lincoln began to slowly back out of the kitchen, walking backward. No matter what choice he made, he knew that he'd be making 4 sisters angry with him. He _hated_ situations like these. They never ended well for him.

"Uh, let me think about it."

With that, he rushed up the stairs without giving anyone time to say anything else.

In his room, behind the safety of his closed door, the white-haired boy let out a sigh of relief as he threw off his backpack and jump on his bed. Maybe, he thought, reading a comic would help him unwind and clear his mind. Then, he'd be able to decide how he would handle the situation of his sisters at war with one another.

Reaching over to his nightstand, Lincoln blindly felt around for the comic that he was currently reading. He had it delivered to his house only two days ago, and it was certainly not cheap. The white-haired boy had spent nearly all of his allowance that he'd spent the past four months saving. Still, the $65 price tag made it worth it. It had been the best comic he'd read yet.

 _Odd,_ Lincoln thought as he found his nightstand empty.

In fact, the comic was nowhere to be found. He searched his entire room, going through every nook and cranny.

Now, he was nervous. That comic was expensive! Did he misplace it? No that couldn't be. He vividly remembered putting it on his nightstand right before going to bed the previous night. The only explanation was that somebody had gone in his room in his absence.

He felt a terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach as he realized the possibility that one his of sisters took it for some reason relating to the war.

* * *

Author's Note

Thank you, dear reader, for giving me a chance! It means a lot to me that I can now write knowing that people out there are actually going to be reading my story. I'll promise to continue updating frequently. I'd hate to leave anyone waiting.


End file.
